Paula helps people start the post-abortion healing process

By Lynette Magnino

Photography by Cathy Joyce

“These things are buried quite deep inside,” says Paula Segno, Project Rachel coordinator for the Diocese of Sacramento, referring to the pain, trauma and deep-seated hurt often endured by anyone involved with abortion: the mother, the father, siblings, grandparents, a friend who provided transportation or stood by waiting, a confidant, or a “clinic” worker.

“And it continues a lifetime,” she adds, citing the varied and unique circumstances for each person seeking help.

The diocese started the post-abortion healing ministry more than 15 years ago and became one of 150 diocesan-based programs. Having served as the coordinator for the past three years, Paula attests to the importance of Project Rachel’s “umbrella” of services. She describes the ministry in many ways.  Case work. Grief work. The Gospel in action. Perhaps most of all, she insists “this is the broken, sinful, woundedness of humanity and only God can take that and use it for his glory…and he does it every day.”

A network of priests, professional counselors, therapists and laypersons go through specialized training in order to respond and help in the healing process. Paula describes an initial “intake process” for when someone calls for help. The contact may be made by email or via a confidential phone line and the caller might be local, from another region or state, any age, male or female

“I learn about who they are,” Paula says, stressing the confidential, non-judgmental process. “I ask about their age, the amount of time since the abortion, whether there were multiple abortions, their faith background, and whether they have ever told anyone.”

 The purposeful questions and resulting answers help Paula to suggest a plan for the healing journey. Timeline and dates are important as “anniversaries” will often trigger emotional pain. Some share that the abortion was “just last week” whiles others were 30 or more years ago. People of all faiths, and even those without a faith background, may make the call.  All recognize the Catholic-centered program and agree to the Christian-based nature of the journey.

“I ask about whether they have told anyone because sharing the story leads to healing,” Paula explains. “The goal is to come to terms – and peace – with what they’ve done and open themselves to God’s mercy.”

Long before Sarah, a recent retreatant, experienced the benefits of Project Rachel, she struggled with an interior pain she could not identify. She felt “off.” As she approached her mid-30s and was planning to be married, she returned to the church after years of being away. She listened to Catholic radio and saw announcements in the parish bulletin, but still fought an ever-present sense of denial about her abortion, which occurred several years earlier.

“I felt like I was starting the healing journey on my own,” she says, but admits it was passive and yielding to a secular counselor who advised her not to pursue the services of Project Rachel.  Now Sarah looks back and hears the haunting messages pushing her to ignore what she felt in her heart. “It’s not your fault,” or “You didn’t know” seemed like common, placating themes but she sensed otherwise.

She moved to the Sacramento area, where her eye caught yet another parish bulletin announcement. She also heard about the Rachel’s Vineyard retreat on the Bishop’s Radio Hour. She made the call.

Paula cites the “number one thing” that keeps people away is shame and secrecy. “Many pour themselves into their career, drugs, alcoholism, promiscuity and more,” she says, pointing to these overwhelming side-effects which “close off” any hope they have for mercy.

“I was what appeared to be a put-together, functioning person in society,” Sarah concedes, but acknowledges “deep down I was broken in a monumental way. You have to push the pride away.”

Women, men and couples contact Project Rachel.  Paula receives five to 10 calls per month on average, but noticeably more if a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat is nearing. Some may be 20 or 30 years old, although many are in their 40s or 50s, 60s and 70s. She recalls one call from a person over 80.  “My job is to listen, provide comfort and direction, support them in prayer and hold their hand,” she says.

Paula believes “everyone can be healed if they are open, ready and willing to be reconciled to God,” although she also hints that some face a difficult journey in acknowledging the gravity of the abortion. They may be overcome with a dismissing attitude or a harmful relativism, and some may imagine Project Rachel to be a “support group” to relieve their depression. Paula and network members help to remedy any misunderstanding. Similarly, active alcoholism, drug abuse or other mental health conditions present setbacks to healing and require resolution or treatment before real post-abortion healing can occur.

“If someone isn’t able to acknowledge the dignity of the lost child,” Paula stresses, “they are not ready. If their heart is not ready, they are not able to receive the fullness of the grace available through this ministry.” 

For many, the Rachel’s Vineyard retreat provides a safe, three-day environment away to reflect. Offered three times per year (twice in English and once in Spanish), participants take time out to honestly face the reality of their abortion choice and “own” their part. 

“All they know is that they’re hurting. We’re not about the politics of abortion” but about healing, Paula clarifies.

Mothers or fathers may, for the very first time, “connect” with their child at a retreat and acknowledge parenthood of a deceased child. “The retreat offers an opportunity to name the child, bringing dignity to the baby’s life,” Paula says.  Many leave the retreat deeply moved and openly sharing that they had never felt “so loved” in their life.

“I arrived at the retreat not really knowing what to expect,” Sarah says, still feeling that she didn’t need it, but “I was open to it.” Soon she discovered that the retreat would offer a positive environment and time to “delve into feelings and spend time with the Lord and my child.” She noticed it was unlike anything in the “outside world” and remembers how the years leading up to her coming back to the church she had not been thinking about God or eternal life, only living in a world of anger and denial.

“I felt forgiveness of myself on so many levels,” Sarah sighs, highlighting her trust in the process. “When you involve Jesus, you experience the fullness of his grace and forgiveness,” she says, describing the retreat as a “gift” weekend that others who are considering this journey for themselves must pray about. “Ask God for strength because it is the best thing you can do for yourself.”

“I’ve seen lives changed completely,” Paula affirms, conveying how barriers to God’s mercy and grace can be removed after a retreat experience. “Friday when they arrive at the retreat, they experience Calvary,” she says, painting the ultimate image of hope, “and Sunday it’s the Resurrection and the weight is lifted.”